The Art of Disarming Someone Hot, Irrational & Stressed
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., 76 pages, $8

Description: The idea of “defusing” someone is described in the subtitle, “the art of disarming someone hot, irrational, and stressed out.” The premise is that when a person is in certain states, they are not in a place where they can think clearly or speak kindly. They are in a fight/flight state of defensiveness and what they need at that moment is to be defused of that energy. The problem they create for themselves and for us lies in their state. They are not the problem; their state is the problem.

But remembering that when you are face to face with someone who is hot, irrational, and totally stressed-out—and so attacking, insulting, criticizing, and spewing out all kinds of angry and stupid things, well, that’s the challenge. What the person needs at that point is someone strong enough, centered enough, wise enough, and skilled enough to help them release the internal stress in an acceptable manner. That’s defusing.

This small booklet on Defusing identifies the meaning of defusing, what it demands,
and how to do it. The small book has 16 skills for defusing and then a description of emotional barriers and how to get through them. Understanding what the strategy requires is the first step in developing the skills for defusing. This is true when we are in that stressed-out state ourselves.

Defusing Hotheads and Other Cranky People

Neuro-Semantic Training for Top State Management Skills (2003)
L. Michael Hall, Ph.D., Training Manual, 113 pages, $25

This training manual focuses on handling anger and aggression. There are many pages and steps for learning “anger control” using NLP and Neuro-Semantics. This manual has been used with people court-ordered for anger control, with men returning to society from prison, with the Police Department in Houston Texas for “talking people down from an emotionally agitated state,” etc.

  • Section 1: States and Hothead States.
  • Section 2: Encountering a Hothead: The five stages of defusing, Defusing Principles, Fight/Flight Stress Response Model, Reactivity and Pro-activity.
  • Section 3: Defusing Techniques, 19 processes for yourself and for the other person.
  • Section 4: Coaching the Hothead about Anger Control